Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
