Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
