Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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