How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think i have herpe
just one?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
