I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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