my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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