u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
