Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
