im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
