what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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