Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
