Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
