something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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