This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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