Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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