i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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