Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
