the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
