Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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