That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I met the friendliest cop last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
