I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I love you.
Bad choice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
