i think my tv is drunk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
