he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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