i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
