Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
