fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
