Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
