Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
