So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
