The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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