so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
