Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
