i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
try to milk me bitch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
