ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
