You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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