I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize