I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
