Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
