Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
