We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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