a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
