I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
