Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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