I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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