watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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