Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sex in a hospital.. check
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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