This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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