mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
