if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
