are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
