I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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