i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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