I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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