my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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