I want you more than these girls want KFC
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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