i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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