I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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