Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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