And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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