Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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