How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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